Weekend

Spent the weekend with D and D's family, traveled 8 hours away to bury D's relative. Spent time with D's kids, and panicked... a lot.

I've been noticing that the only time I am not panicked, is in my bed, but even now, that's not true. I went to bed at 6:30 this evening, and now, at 2:33am, I'm up, of course. I'm feeling that old familiar feeling of pressure on my chest, throat tightening to the point of feeling totally choked by it.

6 hours from now, I'll be sitting at my first therapist appointment of the day. I'll be analyzed, scrutinized, quite possibly criticized for things that I have done, things that I do, things that I feel and the way that I react to outside forces.

4 hours after that, I'll be at my doctor appointment, and 2 hours after that, at my chiropractic appointment. It's going to be a long day for me.